What is LGBT? The Rick Warren Controversy

There is a big controversy right now about Barack Obama choosing Pastor Rick Warren to give the invocation at his inauguration. I’m against for two reasons. First, the fact that Warren lied about the cone of silence during the McCain/Obama event at his church. Second, for his ridiculous goatee which is at least 5 years behind in fashion and is an embarrassingly transparent attempt to make his fat face look thinner. C'mon, grow a full beard like a real man or lose some weight!

For some reason, I am the only person upset about his goatee. The real force behind the controversy about the Warren choice is from the Gay or LGBT community. They say that his opposition to gay marriage should disqualify him from such a prestigious position at the Obama inauguration. Personally, I have always found the big fuss about gay marriage to be confusing. I don’t understand why gays would want to get married and I don’t understand why anyone would want to stop them if they did.

Andrew Sullivan, who may be the best blogger out there, is gay and had been quite upset about it all week. He is a former conservative (or a real conservative) who strongly supported Barack Obama. For much of the week he has been expressing his hurt and disappointment. After much inner turmoil though, he has decided to trust Obama about this. It’s really a thoughtful piece and I recommend reading it. An excerpt:

If I cannot pray with Rick Warren, I realize, then I am not worthy of being called a Christian. And if I cannot engage him, then I am not worthy of being called a writer. And if we cannot work with Obama to bridge these divides, none of us will be worthy of the great moral cause that this civil rights movement truly is.

Well said. I guess if Sullivan can make peace with a person who wants to deny him basic rights, then I can get over his misshapen facial fur.

One thing many of you may have noticed in all the stories about this controversy is the acronym LGBT (aka GLBT). It’s not just gays who don’t like Warren we're told, it the entire "LGBT" community. What the heck is that? Everyone knows what gay is but what do those other letters mean? In an effort to educate my readers I give you this handy guide. I made it myself!

WHAT IS GLBT?

G is for Gay - people who like those of the same sex
This can be often recognized by tight clothing and impromptu singing of Broadway standards.

L is for Lesbian - a genre of adult movie
This seems to be taking over late night cable. All that kissing, all that nakedness, one movie after another after another. Still doing research - will get back to you.

B is for Bisexual - these are people who like either boys or girls
I don’t know if these people are confused or will just "screw anything" but they are undoubtedly very useful when planning an orgy because if the male/female ratio is off by one you can just stick them anywhere.

T is for Transgender - I think these are people who like to dress up like Cher
You can find these folks performing in big city nightclubs, karaoke bars and in all types of British comedy.

Hope I got it right. (An alternate definition)